Had a long discussion with some friends the other day and the big question was "do women just marry any man". The answer that what we came up with was - most of the time...yes! And this is because men choose and women settle. Our dating system works in such a way that men get to choose who they date more than women. This greatly limits a womans options to only the men who show an interest in her. For example all the guys that have ever asked me out did so because they specifically liked me for one reason or another and picked me out of the crowd. Now, I may decide to go out with any one of these guys not because I like him but because I feel obliged to at least hear him out. Depending on how my prospects are, I might end up dating a guy just because he asked and I don't know if anyone else will ever be interested. This means I end up with the guy that dared to ask and he ends up with the girl he wanted. The whole idea that women can be courted and pursuaded into falling in love supports my little theory (well its not entirely mine). At first the lady may be disinterested but after a series of flowers, chocolates and long walks on the beach she just might change her mind.The bottom line is in love and marriage - men are more likely to end up with the woman they want - which is usually the best that they think they can get at the time (which may change over time $$ = shift up in league lol). So women are more likely to just accept whatever comes especially if they are racing against the clock - the end goal - not dying alone - and any man is better than no man.
Another interesting point that came up during this dicussion is that although it seems women want to be married more than men - men seem to happier in marriage than women. I have heard numerous times that the institute of marriage benefiits men more than women emotionally. But somehow I think this affects the women who "settled" and have unrealistic expectations of marriage the most. Then again I have also heard that divorced middle aged women are the least depressed in their middle ages. The rest of middle-aged womahood suffers from serious depression - the single ones are bussy worried about dying alone and the married ones are having serious marital problems. I guess the divorced ones have been there and done that,, now they appreciate being single because they know for a fact that the grass is not greener on the other side. Men on the other hand don't do better divorced, maybe thats why they always remarry quick. I think I need to look into the whole idea that marriage benifits men theory more - I'm leaning towards the idea that because women are more likely to settle they are more likley to be disatisfied in marriage. Otherwise it seems men need women more than women need men and in countries where economics and womens rights are not an issue (developed world) women initiate 2/3 or more of all divorces (if you don't believe me google it!). In the developing world marriages probably last longer because women have no where to go and not because of the cultural superiority that most of those society think they have compared to the west (thats another post for another day).
I'm not against marriage, infact I think it can be great when done right, I may not know the right way to do it but there's millions of divorces cases that have shown us the wrong way to do it. Most of us think "we are different" and we are the exceptions but in reality. I know many people don't believe in social science and all those "bogus theories", studies and research. Well you don't have to believe it but on some level we are all the same and there is a lot of truth in those studies. You don't need to be a married genuis to figure out that there definitely are some guaranteed straight to divorce mistakes that so many people keep repeating. Just think of the 50% divorce rate in the US (in the developing world it is only stalled by economics) there are so many reasons for this. We can use statistics to teach us a few things for example we know that people who marry in their early 20s have the highest rates but those married over 26 and college educated seem to be doing better at it - so if want a better shot of marriage go to school, find someone who is equally educated and do it after your 26th bithday. Success in marriage is associated with higher education and higher age - for me that = thinking and making better decisions - more oppotunity and experience to choose a compatible partner. Thanks to our diligent social scientists we now also know that short courtship is associated with higher likelihood of divorce. And of course there are expections to everyrule but I wouldn't take my chances based on the few romantic stories of Paul and Sue who met and married within 4weeks and have been blissfully married for 25 years - it works for a lucky few but the key is it doesn't work for most. I have always though the hard part is not getting married for those who want to be married, its staying married and being happy doing so.
